From my journal:
Some time after 3
I am officially solo-ing. I’m on the point one up from Spartina. Until now, I’d always wanted a place that I already loved and was familiar with, but now I am so happy that I’m somewhere that I have never been before. If I was at Club, I would have too many other experiences to look back on. This place is all me, all mine to make memories of by myself. I’m thinking about never coming back to this spot. This whole concept, my whole present, is so surreal that I want to preserve it this way. Coming back here after November 1st would mean putting this place, this haven, on a list; I don’t want it jammed in between the last class of the day and dinner.
It’s crazy to me that I have a past at Chewonki, like how I have a past at Club Point. I’m already so different from the Erin I was that first walk to Club, taking pictures of myself near the water to send to Mom, and then attempting to write here in my journal. And even that Erin was different from the Erin of Baltimore, who was a girl in the suburbs, who went to that all-girls prep school, stressed about her homework, and never cleaned her room. That day at Club, just wearing hiking boots and sitting on a rock was different and exciting. I had just put my feet into change. But just about an hour ago (I’m guessing) I tied a bowline knot around a tree, followed by a trucker’s hitch, and in a few minutes had a fully-functional shelter made out of two tarps and some rope. And it wasn’t weird. Being here doesn’t scare me, being here doesn’t make me feel out of place. Right now, there is no other place that I want to be, and no other place that I feel I should be. This is home, this is Chewonki, and this is where I should be.
-Erin Becks, Baltimore, MD